Day 30 - Letting go.

Today marks day 30 of the challenge and I am at 27. I was really hoping to be even at the 30 day mark but life got in the way. But I'm not letting it get me down. 3 doubles to make up won't be too difficult. I am planning on doing two doubles this week and the other next week. Goal is to be even by day 45.

Since my last blog I've had some tough classes. Classes where I felt like I was on fire. Classes where I was just plain lazy. Classes where the monkey mind just would not quiet down. Rough. Rough. Rough. So I was really looking forward to my vacation with my husband and kids to Disneyland for 6 days. When I first started the challenge I didn't want to go away and miss classes but I found a really cheap deal and just couldn't pass it up. I *banked* two classes before vacation and was intending to take at least two classes while on vacation. If I stuck to my goals, I would only be down one class. But Disneyland was soooo much work!!!! I almost need a vacation from vacation. We would be at the park walking from 9:00AM until 8PM. That didn't leave me much time to take class. Instead of stressing over missing classes, I just enjoyed my time with my family and resigned to the fact that I am down 3 classes. Normally this idea would stress me out and I'd throw in the towel, but this challenge seems different to me. I am more calm. More focused and determined. Able to let go of things that don't serve me, let go of all things negative.

I am finding that this challenge is more emotional then physical for me. Since starting the challenge I have had many dreams about my father (who passed away in 2004). In all of them he is in the yoga room with me. And in one of them he says it is time for him to go and that he is at peace and that everything is alright. And that he just wanted to say bye. I wasn't there when he passed away and I think that has really haunted me for the past 6 years. Through this yoga, I am beginning to let that go. I miss him every day, but I am beginning to start forgiving myself for not being by his side during his final hours.

When I started this yoga, it was all for the physical rewards. But the more I practice the more I realize how it has changed me and continues to change me - mind, spirit and soul.